Pelican Face

From a distance, I can be quite majestic. Gliding along on warm air currents, skillfully diving into the ocean and snatching unsuspecting fish like a silent assassin. My one friend has a tattoo that reads: Death from above! He’s pretty hardcore. He did time for sneaking contraband into the country. You’d think that customs wouldn’t check pelicans that often, but our neck pouch is a pretty easy way to smuggle things, so we actually get targeted quite frequently. I would never use my face folds for something like that. I stay on the up and up. I enjoy cruising along the waves, and I know I have it pretty good. Why take those chances? He did have a sweet nest in the Bahamas, but now he’s locked up and can’t fly at all. Was it worth it? I don’t think so. But like I said, my life only seems nice from a far.

Have you ever looked at me close up? I mean, birds have beaks. No surprise there. And pelicans have this awesome built in net. Pretty cool. That’s a win for evolution in my book. But… look close. The thing is SLAPPED on my face. I have normal bird face, then… whamo!  A giant folded beak-bag is just stuck right to the front of my head. It’s not that I’m unhappy about it, but come on, it’s kind a weird. Right?

I do understand the ramifications of such an extreme surgery. Besides the likely shunning by my own feathered brethren, there’s the very practical aspect of catching food. But guess what? I already got that taken care of. Remember the story about my friend with a blatant disregard for the law? Well there are legitimate pelican delivery services that are top-notch. They’ll bring herring to just about anywhere. So it’s not like I’ll starve. I’m not saying I’m gonna do it, I’m just saying it’s an option. You only live once, and if I FEEL like a flamingo. I think I should LOOK like a flamingo. I might even go with a human nose. The doc offered an example of what that would look like. Kind of different, but no stranger than what I have now it.

So what if it’s unconventional. We have the ability to do this. These are the times we’re living in. Deal with it.